Monday, March 22, 2010

Beautiful Girl

For every moment of frustration, for every moment that my body is wracked with the need to scream, there are many more where I am overwhelmed by how much I love her.

I know her personality. I know the sounds she makes when she is happy and the face she shows when she is excited. I know the noise she makes when I am about to feed her. I know the face she pulls when, fast asleep after a long feed, she pulls off my boob and rests her head back down to sleep. I know that she likes to sleep on her back with her hands behind her head.

My heart somersaults when I see her, my breathing pauses for a moment as I stare at her in adoration. I pop my head in to check on her at night, and so often find myself laying down beside her just watching. My mum tells me that this feeling will never end, I am glad to hear it.

Parenting alone is hard work. This blog is largely about the hidden emotions of motherhood, emotions such as anger, frustration, sadness and loneliness. This blog focuses on the need for a much more social approach to parenting. I have a private diary devoted to my daughter and the love I feel for her. I want to express those feelings in this blog just this once. Even in the most difficult times of my quasi-single motherhood my love never diminishes. Not one dot, not one iota.

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